FEATURE STORY 13

Home Journal

3 October 2009

Today we went back to BK with a totally new feeling. We were going to wash our new house! Yeay! I am so excited. We are finally going to see our house. And this is sort of like first time for my kids. I am so sure they're going to be more excited since they could play while helping my husband and I clean and wash our new house.

Yan, my sis-inlaw, my dad-inlaw and my maid followed us up to our new house. When we reached there, everyone changed into t-shirts and shorts to start work on the house. My kids were having so much fun "swimming" on the floor while the adults poured lots of water and soap on the floor.

I totally forgot about lunch. At about 4.30pm, I started to feel hungry and looked at what the time was, we packed up and headed for my mom-inlaw's place.

That day, I went back home to Melawati with indescribable feelings.

10 October 2009

We went back to Rasa today to send our new fans and lights to our new house. We bought all the lights at Universal Lighting in Danau Kota area. We spent RM 980 for the lights and the hall's fan. When we reached Rasa, I called up Zarul (his number is pasted on our house's sliding doors) who is an electrician cum wireman, to come over and fix all the lamps and fan together. After 15 minutes, he arrived and said that he would start fixing them all the next day. We had to leave our house keys with him and headed back for KL.

11 October 2009

We weren't there but Zarul continued on work as promised. At about 10 am he called on my phone and said that everything's done. And the bill was RM 85. So, I quickly called Ita, my sis-inlaw to go over to our house and make payments as well as getting the keys back from Zarul. I asked my sis-inlaw how the lights and fan looked like and she said, "OK". I felt so good and anxious to go check them out.

12 - 16 October 2009

This had been the busiest week of furniture shopping for my husband and me. We were getting the basic furniture for our house. We only planned on getting beds, but I ended up buying 2 beds, 1 TV rack, an L-shaped, maroon sofa, and 2 stools. I wanted to get more but money wasn't on my side. I ended up spending RM 1486 for all of them. I also went to Jusco to get cushions, table cloth, rugs and floor mats for my new house.

17 October 2009

THIS IS IT!!! Today is the day we are moving our things over to Rasa our new house. My husband got up in the morning and hunted for a lorry. We argued on whether to get a 1-tonne lorry or bigger. My husband insisted that a 1-tonne lorry would be enough to put all our things in. I said no way, hose. You need at least a 2-tonne lorry. To my surprise, there was no such thing as 2-tonne lorry but instead a 3-tonned lorry. My husband told me that the driver asked for RM 500 not inclusive of workers. What??? That's too expensive. Finally, I called Daffee up and asked for the lorry he usually rents for RDI's graduation shows. I rang up this man called Azri and he said he could come at about 3pm to move our things. I agreed since he was only charging RM 400 all in.

At about 2.45pm, all our stuff were finally loaded into the lorry. And offfffff we were to Taman Seri Rasa. We reached there at about 4.30pm and started unloading all our stuff into the house. I paid RM 450 to the driver since Pak Aladdin was such a nice guy.

By midnite, while everyone else was asleep, I unpacked and cleared up everything. I was so so so tired but I was also so so so happy to be in a place I could finally call my own.

FEATURE STORY 12

Stop Worrying and Start Living - Dale Carnegie

That is the title of the book I read about 3 years ago in 2006. The book that has affected my life. The book that has changed me. The book that has taught me many things. The book that I treasured so much and given to me by my husband. And now... the book is gone. I don't know where it is already. I'm looking for it hi and lo. Where could it be? And why am I looking for it?

Well, the reason is because now...just recently, or about 10 days ago, all the worries come crawling back into my life...and it somehow is affecting me terribly. I could still remember all those things I read in the book about worries but I am still worried. And I am not sure whether this is productive or unproductive, realistic or unrealistic. What I know is - I am WORRIED. And I have to eliminate this fast as it is getting into the way of my everyday routine. It is making me uneasy. It is making me unhappy. It is sometimes driving me up the wall. It is also disturbing my sleep.

It is actually easier said than done. You can tell someone who comes up to you and asks for advice NOT to WORRY. You can tell them that worry will kill them. Worry will not do any good. Worry is most of the time unnecessary. And yes, I did read that book by Dale Carnegie that 99% of the things you worry about don't happen. So, why do people still bother to worry? But when it comes to yourself facing the worry, it is so so HARD to let it go just like that. You keep telling yourself over and over again not to worry. Don't think about it. You make yourself busy. You grab something to read. You put on loud music. But the result is you still worry.

So, today, I went to a few websites that talk about how to eliminate worry. It seems that worry is perfectly normal for all human beings. It is just the natural way we respond to events in our life. When something happens, we start worrying. The difference is how each individual "fight" that worry they're experiencing. And whether the person is a frequent worrier or isn't.

The person I know who doesn't worry at all or worry least is my husband. And sometimes I do wonder how he does that. He always tells me that he doesn't like to think about things which are not in his hands to decide or not in his power to control. Which I think is right. But again. Things are always easier said than done.

So, back to my state of worriness...what can I do about this? How shall I eliminate it from my system? Gosh........only God knows.........

FEATURE STORY 11

Everyone Can Be A Wife --- But To Be A Good Wife Is Darn Hard

From my 10-year marriage I can tell anyone for sure that the topic above is 199.99% TRUE!

I believe that to be a wife is simple. Get yourself hitched to someone and you're a wife. But to be a good wife (especially for your own husband to label you as a good wife) is definitely hard. It's not an easy task to fulfill.

It takes tremendous amount of sacrifices on the woman's side. Without this, I think most marriages on this earth won't work. I used to tell myself before that I want to be a modern, contemporary wife who doesn't need to sacrifice so much. I want to be on the same level as my husband. But that was before. This is now.

How can I be a "modern" wife? Well, in fact, I could. But would I be able to endure the challenges of a single mother? Would I be able to substitute my children's longing of a father? Would I be able to do everything alone? I thought I am one brave woman. I thought so. I may be. In some areas of my life as a woman. But I am definitely not strong enough when it comes to my kids. I would automatically surrender when the issue involves my four jewels. That is FINAL. So, what choices are left for me? SACRIFICE and MORE SACRIFICE.

Women who are wives and mothers have to sacrifice if not more, at least a double dose than women who are without the two extra societal roles. Here is my point of view of sacrifices of a woman. We have to sacrifice as a child to our parents. We then sacrifice as a wife. Afterwards, we sacrifice as a mother to all our children. Cutting it short, woman = sacrifices.

Just for the sake of sharing, whenever I argue with my husband now ... I would most of the time absorb everything into my stomach (and I am lucky I have a BIG one!!!) and later on just "totally forget" about it. Do I feel satisfied you asked? Well, frankly speaking, of course I don't , but what choice do I have?

This brings me back to a book I read a few years ago...The Surrendered Wife... I forgot who the author is but I remember it was a good reading. So, my dear fellow wives around the globe, to be a GOOD wife, you have to be a SURRENDERED wife...

Good luck!!!

FEEDER ENTRY 12

American Idol is Back!!!!!!!!!!

Guess who I really like this time? More than I like David Archuleta whom I liked on motherly reasons before. This season, I like a contestant based on womanly reasons. And he is Adam Lambert. Huhu!!!

I hoped real hard (I am only able to hope since I can't vote) that Archuleta would win the Idol last season but my hope was shattered when Americans voted for Cook instead. This time round, I hope again. And I hope America would vote for Lambert so he could be the next American idol. I really hope that this time America would do me justice and ensure that Lambert wins the title. He doesn't only deserve to win, he is just IT. No two ways about it. No questions asked.

So, yes, America, if you are reading my blog, please vote trillion times so Adam Lambert could be the next American Idol................

Thanks.........

FEEDER ENTRY 11

A Promise is A Promise...

I remembered posting an entry about a month ago saying that I was busy then and maybe when I am less busy I would start posting here again. Hahaha...a promise will still be a promise...and today I am renewing my vows...I will continue posting when I am a little loose...I am now tight with so much to do and some miseries of life...

Just be patient and I'll be back...

FEEDER ENTRY 10

Been so so long...

Wow...I suddenly realised that I haven't been writinganything on my blog since August 5. Have I been busy or what? Oh yes, I have been extremely busy with so many things. Of course the never ending assignments especially this is my last semester for coursework. Plus having to teach 3 days a week. And full weekends for my kids and their stuff.

I will be back actively writing again once I am settled with my final semester. Then I think I would have more time (I really hope so).

So, till then. See ya!

FEEDER ENTRY 9

The Reply

Dear Sayang,

I also want to say happy anniversary to us. Do you know what it means by anniversary? It means that we are still together stronger and stronger. Without this moment, there will be no anniversary for us. So today is the best moment in our life. Because tomorrow it will be written in our history book of marriage that we have celebrated our 9th anniversary. Forget the moment in the past because past is history and history come like a flash of memory. That's why Allah creates memory – for people to learn and treasure the relationship but the most important thing is right now, this moment. This moment means we are still husband and wife. 9th anniversary is just the number. The moments we spent together is the most important thing, be it 10 years, 15 years or 30 years.

THIS MOMENT THAT WE ARE STILL TOGETHER THAT COUNTS AND WE CAN STILL REFER EACH OTHER TO THIRD PARTIES AS MY WIFE OR MY HUSBAND.

Your hubby
Baby

P.s I know that you will shed tear when you finish reading it. Please make it big ==> (my husband sent this with tiny lettering. That's why he wants me to zoom in to get the meaning because he knows that I usually cry after reading this kind of email...hehe)

FEEDER ENTRY 8

The Message

Today is Our 9th Wedding Anniversary

On this special day, with the advantage of technology, I sent an email to my significant half as a wish for our anniversary. And I am sharing it with you here on my blog.

My dearest Baby...

I am sitting here in my office room, taking a break from the painstaking assignments that I need to complete and reminiscing on this day exactly 9 years ago when you took my hand in marriage. Yes, people may think this is superficial, but I do feel that it was just like 9 days ago that we met. Got married. Learning to love each other (after aprroximately 2 months since the first day we laid eyes on each other). And thinking whether we made the right decision.

Alhamdulillah, undoubtedly, you are my Mr. Right. You may not be perfect but you are definitely perfect for me. You fit me like a glove. And I thank Allah that I am blessed with a good man who loves me sensibly, who understands, who is always two steps behind, who is there to help me up when I fall, who is willing to grow and live with me in our dreams, who holds the light when it is dark, who is my truest friend, and I pray that we could be together for the next 90 years or maybe more.

Baby, it takes two special people to make a loving pair, and I am so glad that I found that special someone. There's joy in just being around you (despite the arguments, good and lame ones, that we've had). A kind of feeling I like to keep for a long long time. Even if I could turn back time, I think I would still be marrying you (serious! honest! even knowing that time can never be turned).

And most importantly, Baby, on this 9th anniversary, we are not celebrating it alone anymore (maybe for many, many years to come), but with four other beautiful creatures that we could call our own. Together, we are complete, we are one, we are a team. On this day, I am proud to tell the world that I am the happiest person, subhanallah.

For the sake of the good times (and bad, too), lets again listen and sing to the lyrics of From This Moment by Shania Twain. Do you still remember this song, baby? The song that was played in the background when I came down the stairs to hold your hand and stand beside you in front of so many smiling guests sharing our happiness.

So, Baby, thank you for being you, thank you for the wonderful moments, thank you for letting me be who I am, thank you for everything, and MOST of all, thank you for loving me.

Love,

saYANG

FEATURE STORY 10

To Be or Not To be (To Be Sad or Not To Be Sad: That's My Question)

I wanted to write about this since last Wednesday but I didn't. Today, I am better inspired to actually sit down on my never-comfy office chair with my legs resting on a small shelf underneath my not-big-enough office table and the air-conditioning is running normally (it isn't always this way) keeping me feeling dynamic to write this little story of my life.

Before I indulge into the main idea, let me just keep you abreast with the supporting details. OK, which one do I put first. Yup, I have four munchkins - one Charlie and three Angels. I am very happy to be blessed with them and could not imagine what I would be doing right now, at this age, married, with a satisfying job, an almost completed master degree, three houses I could call my own, one Malaysian-made car, and one Japan-made car, good food, both parents still kicking, the low-profile in-laws, great wonderful friends, without these four little creatures. I believe myself is then less meaningful. Anyway, what I am going to write about today is my second child, my first daughter, Yamna a.k.a. Angah.

Faqihah Yamna Putri is the name we gave her when she came into our lives more than four years ago on May 6, 2004. She was born at Ampang Putri Specialist Hospital in Ampang, at about 1.21pm, on a peaceful Thursday afternoon after my water broke at approximately 13 hours before. She weighed 3.6 kgs and after almost 2 hours of pushing, Dato' Dr. Ashar (my gynae) decided that I gave a last push and he would pull her out with the vacuum. And so he did and there was a beautiful creature being placed on my chest. I cried and I was so happy because God has granted me a baby girl.

Yamna developed into a beautiful, healthy baby and most importantly, she was so close to me. Just by looking into her eyes could make all my troubles seemed so far away. When most children acquire their speaking skills at 24 months and above, my Yamna didn't look as if she was catching up with the rest of the kids her age. People mentioned to me that I should go for further checkups on why she was not developing the "normal" language abilities at that age. Well, of course, as a mother, I wanted to deny all the possibilities that there was something wrong with her.

At first we, my hubby and I, thought that maybe she has ADHD because we noticed that her attention span is relatively short (as compared to our son) and she didn't like to watch TV or anything of the sort that required her concentration. We visited three different child specialists and none of them thought that there was anything wrong. Dr. Premila (our family child specialist) even said we shouldn't worry because she started talking when she was four (and I thought...hmm, started talking at four and she is now a specialist doctor...that's all right). Having those thoughts at the back of our mind, we (again) didn't bother to do anything further about Yamna's speaking problems.

Later, when she was three plus, and attending a kindy, we began to notice that something might be a little wrong since she couldn't pronounce some words properly. And we read articles from the net. We then thought that maybe she has speech problems. After asking around, we realised that we couldn't afford to see any speech pathologist or therapist because they are all SO expensive! And then again, we carried on with our lives and somehow "ignored" Yamna's problem.

At the end of 2007, my mother seriously told us to check if she had hearing problems (well, she has been talking about this hearing thingy since God knows when and I have been ignoring them). Finally, in December last year, we listened to her and vigorously searched for a cheaper place where we could request for tests to be done on Yamna to detect any possibilities of hearing impairment (another reason for the vigorous search is that my third child, Fajee, was speeding in her language acquisition and I was afraid if Yamna felt anywhere intimidated or lacking because her younger sister was already practically speaking before her!).

So, in January this year, I succeeded in getting Yamna registered at Klinik Audiologi dan Sains Pertuturan HUKM at Jalan Temerloh in Kuala Lumpur, where the fees are unbelievably cheap - RM 5 for every visit.

After several visits and tests, the clinicians there confirmed that Yamna has a moderate to severe hearing impairment. I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. It did. It ripped my heart deeply. I remembered crying and crying every time I thought of it (I can still cry now especially when she grabs the phone from her little sister, Fajee, whenever I call home from work. Eagerly telling me stories of the day with very little of what she says that I can truly understand). And it's so sad. But I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be sad. Because it is not good if I am sad. I have to be strong to show her that she's special. God takes some little thing from her because He wants to replace it with something better, inshaallah. I want her to believe that. I want her to grow up feeling good about herself and that she could do everything her brother and her sisters can (maybe better). I wish and I always pray that people in her life, especially her family, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, her cousins, her friends, would not treat her any different from her other siblings, from other kids her age.

Why? Because Yamna is truly special. She is the life of our family. When she is not around, there's little sound. That's why Along jokingly calls her Hurricane. She is cheerful. She is caring. When I come home from work, she'll be the one at the door greeting me with "Hi Ummi. Ummi finish work? Go jalan?" How would that make you feel? Wonderful, after a long day at work. She is also the "little rascal". She jumps, she shouts, she yells, she runs, she climbs, she messes, she disturbs, she sings, she cries - she does everything as and when she likes. We also call her the runway model. You should see her pictures. She is such a natural at it. She knows exactly the right pose for every picture we take of her. And most of all, is because she is so beautiful. She has natural brown hair. She has big eyes with long, dark eyelashes. She has white, glowy skin. She has nice slender figure. She looks pretty in anything she wears. My father, her granpa, nicks her as "budak lawa".

So, 6th August is THE day. She is meeting the Audiologist, Puan Hanim, and her team is putting the hearing aids into Yamna's little ears. They said that she would be able to hear well with this. They said that then Yamna would be able to talk properly as she could hear the sounds correctly. They also said that by the time she has to go school at 7 years old, she might be able to attend normal school. For all these things they have said, I take it as promises. And, yes, I really, truly, sincerely hope all that is true, inshaallah.

Please pray that my daughter, Yamna, will hear properly so she can speak correctly and lead her life normally. Ameen.

FEEDER ENTRY 7

A Sad Ending (written on 16 July 2008 about 4pm)



This morning at 8.07 am, when I was getting ready for work, I received a sms from Fara my office friend. She said that she was with Jaja (another office friend) at HKL visiting Jaja's ex-husband who was beaten the night before. In her sms, Fara mentioned that Lang's (the ex-husband) head was badly crushed by the hit. She said that it was 90% damage and he only had 10% chance to live. They were both at the ICU of HKL waiting for miracles to happen. She also informed me that Lang was beaten up by a female colleague's fiance due to passionate reasons.

When my husband came out from the bathroom, I told him about that. He was shocked, too. Even though we don't know Lang that well, but we have had a few acquaintances with him. But one thing we both agreed on that he was a good looking man. While driving to work, I kept thinking of what Fara said. Only 10% chance to live. I quietly said to myself that I was doubtful that he could even survive the day.

Later on at the office I kept going to and fro Fara's room to get the story of what actually happened. But even until about 11+ she was still not in. I was already having the worst on my mind. I kept counting the time when Fara would call and tell me something I would not want to hear though I have expected it.

At about 2.26pm, my phone rang. Fara was on the other line. She informed me that Lang has passed away about 2 hours earlier. I stunted. Fara was crying. I wasn't able to say anything. I couldn't even get "innalillah" out from my mouth. The only thing I managed to say was "ye ke?" How dumb.

Anyway, I was still in hallucination even 30 minutes after. Not being able to digest the news. I went around school informing everyone I thought should know. Everybody said that it was tragic. A very sad ending for a nice man. Indeed it was.

To the late Wan Hazlan...Semoga roh mu dicucuri rahmat Allah dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman, inshaallah.