FEATURE STORY 10

To Be or Not To be (To Be Sad or Not To Be Sad: That's My Question)

I wanted to write about this since last Wednesday but I didn't. Today, I am better inspired to actually sit down on my never-comfy office chair with my legs resting on a small shelf underneath my not-big-enough office table and the air-conditioning is running normally (it isn't always this way) keeping me feeling dynamic to write this little story of my life.

Before I indulge into the main idea, let me just keep you abreast with the supporting details. OK, which one do I put first. Yup, I have four munchkins - one Charlie and three Angels. I am very happy to be blessed with them and could not imagine what I would be doing right now, at this age, married, with a satisfying job, an almost completed master degree, three houses I could call my own, one Malaysian-made car, and one Japan-made car, good food, both parents still kicking, the low-profile in-laws, great wonderful friends, without these four little creatures. I believe myself is then less meaningful. Anyway, what I am going to write about today is my second child, my first daughter, Yamna a.k.a. Angah.

Faqihah Yamna Putri is the name we gave her when she came into our lives more than four years ago on May 6, 2004. She was born at Ampang Putri Specialist Hospital in Ampang, at about 1.21pm, on a peaceful Thursday afternoon after my water broke at approximately 13 hours before. She weighed 3.6 kgs and after almost 2 hours of pushing, Dato' Dr. Ashar (my gynae) decided that I gave a last push and he would pull her out with the vacuum. And so he did and there was a beautiful creature being placed on my chest. I cried and I was so happy because God has granted me a baby girl.

Yamna developed into a beautiful, healthy baby and most importantly, she was so close to me. Just by looking into her eyes could make all my troubles seemed so far away. When most children acquire their speaking skills at 24 months and above, my Yamna didn't look as if she was catching up with the rest of the kids her age. People mentioned to me that I should go for further checkups on why she was not developing the "normal" language abilities at that age. Well, of course, as a mother, I wanted to deny all the possibilities that there was something wrong with her.

At first we, my hubby and I, thought that maybe she has ADHD because we noticed that her attention span is relatively short (as compared to our son) and she didn't like to watch TV or anything of the sort that required her concentration. We visited three different child specialists and none of them thought that there was anything wrong. Dr. Premila (our family child specialist) even said we shouldn't worry because she started talking when she was four (and I thought...hmm, started talking at four and she is now a specialist doctor...that's all right). Having those thoughts at the back of our mind, we (again) didn't bother to do anything further about Yamna's speaking problems.

Later, when she was three plus, and attending a kindy, we began to notice that something might be a little wrong since she couldn't pronounce some words properly. And we read articles from the net. We then thought that maybe she has speech problems. After asking around, we realised that we couldn't afford to see any speech pathologist or therapist because they are all SO expensive! And then again, we carried on with our lives and somehow "ignored" Yamna's problem.

At the end of 2007, my mother seriously told us to check if she had hearing problems (well, she has been talking about this hearing thingy since God knows when and I have been ignoring them). Finally, in December last year, we listened to her and vigorously searched for a cheaper place where we could request for tests to be done on Yamna to detect any possibilities of hearing impairment (another reason for the vigorous search is that my third child, Fajee, was speeding in her language acquisition and I was afraid if Yamna felt anywhere intimidated or lacking because her younger sister was already practically speaking before her!).

So, in January this year, I succeeded in getting Yamna registered at Klinik Audiologi dan Sains Pertuturan HUKM at Jalan Temerloh in Kuala Lumpur, where the fees are unbelievably cheap - RM 5 for every visit.

After several visits and tests, the clinicians there confirmed that Yamna has a moderate to severe hearing impairment. I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. It did. It ripped my heart deeply. I remembered crying and crying every time I thought of it (I can still cry now especially when she grabs the phone from her little sister, Fajee, whenever I call home from work. Eagerly telling me stories of the day with very little of what she says that I can truly understand). And it's so sad. But I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be sad. Because it is not good if I am sad. I have to be strong to show her that she's special. God takes some little thing from her because He wants to replace it with something better, inshaallah. I want her to believe that. I want her to grow up feeling good about herself and that she could do everything her brother and her sisters can (maybe better). I wish and I always pray that people in her life, especially her family, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, her cousins, her friends, would not treat her any different from her other siblings, from other kids her age.

Why? Because Yamna is truly special. She is the life of our family. When she is not around, there's little sound. That's why Along jokingly calls her Hurricane. She is cheerful. She is caring. When I come home from work, she'll be the one at the door greeting me with "Hi Ummi. Ummi finish work? Go jalan?" How would that make you feel? Wonderful, after a long day at work. She is also the "little rascal". She jumps, she shouts, she yells, she runs, she climbs, she messes, she disturbs, she sings, she cries - she does everything as and when she likes. We also call her the runway model. You should see her pictures. She is such a natural at it. She knows exactly the right pose for every picture we take of her. And most of all, is because she is so beautiful. She has natural brown hair. She has big eyes with long, dark eyelashes. She has white, glowy skin. She has nice slender figure. She looks pretty in anything she wears. My father, her granpa, nicks her as "budak lawa".

So, 6th August is THE day. She is meeting the Audiologist, Puan Hanim, and her team is putting the hearing aids into Yamna's little ears. They said that she would be able to hear well with this. They said that then Yamna would be able to talk properly as she could hear the sounds correctly. They also said that by the time she has to go school at 7 years old, she might be able to attend normal school. For all these things they have said, I take it as promises. And, yes, I really, truly, sincerely hope all that is true, inshaallah.

Please pray that my daughter, Yamna, will hear properly so she can speak correctly and lead her life normally. Ameen.