TIPS FOR US-NESS 9

A Dozen Ways to Get to Know Your Real Partner
The Signs Are All Around You...


In my line of work -- family law -- I often hear the same old refrain when my client explains to me why they split from their significant other. It goes like this, "I guess I didn't really know my partner after all." You might ask, "How could that be?" How could you have an intimate relationship with someone only to wake up one day to find out that the person you fell in love with is not the person they turned out to be?

I believe there are at least a dozen ways to know who someone really is -- indicators -- and if we do an inventory early on, we might stand a better chance of getting to know the real person before we fully commit. The following "observance" suggestions are important ones to make in the early stages of any relationship because each offers insight into habits, patterns, and behaviors. As you ponder these observations, know that there is no right or wrong; it's a matter of acceptance. Sometimes we have to accept quirks and differences as part of the give-and-take process. As you do your assessment, however, the goal is to decide whether or not you can live with or without your real partner.

Here are the dozen indicators:

1. Protocol: First or Second? Whether it's walking through a door, ordering dinner, or taking a bite out of the freshly baked cookies you have made together, if your partner always have to go first this could indicate self- centeredness. Are you willing to always be the giver?

2. Politics: Liberal or Conservative? How your partner views what is right or wrong in a political sense tells you a lot about his deep inner beliefs about society, and ultimately, the way he will approach your relationship issues. Will his views cause a rift in your relationship?

3. Television: Sitcoms or News? If his tendency is to watch "escape" TV programs versus "newsy/event" oriented ones, you can learn a lot about one's intellect. Do you want a mate who can keep up with your every day interest in what is going on in the world or a person you can run away with to avoid the world we live in?

4. Money: Flash or Stash? If your partner throws money around while dating, he might well be reckless with your joint finances when you move in together. Do you want to hook up with a tightwad or splurger?

5. Stress: Freak or Peak? Under Pressure, does he go to pieces or rise to the top of his game? If the answer is the former, every minor incident in your relationship might become a crisis. Do you like a lot of drama?

6. Conversation: About You or Him? As you first get to know each other does he always talk about himself first or you? If he is usually the topic priority do not expect that to change. Can you subordinate yourself to the world revolving around him?

7. Pets: Warm or Aloof? Believe it or not, the way in which he treats animals will not be dissimilar to how he treats your children. How do you want him to treat your loved ones?

8. Communication: Listens or Ignores? If you have something you want to talk about and he tunes you out as a general rule, can you cope?

9. Strangers: Kind or Rude? How he treats those they do not know (waiters, grocery clerks) often reflects on how he will treat people in general, including you, shortly after the glow wears off.

10. Priorities: Family or Work? You can tell almost immediately where a person's preferences lie in terms of what comes first (a family member's illness or a business trip) by the choices he makes when faced with an "either/or" situation. Do you care if he leaves on the next plane to present the such-and-such report if you or the kids have pneumonia?

11. Appearance: Fat or Fit? How he regards his appearance screams loudly about his sense of self-esteem. Those who eat sensibly, workout reasonably, and who take pride in their appearance are the ones who have a great sense of self. Does he really have self-confidence or might it be a front?

12. Faith: Strong or Weak? If you want a peak at his soul, learn more about his spirituality, or lack of it. What a person believes deep down is often what shapes the way in which they conduct their day-to-day affairs. What is your mate's "words to live by?"

(Adapted from Yahoo! Personals by Stacy D. Phillips)

FEATURE STORY 9

Can you tell if you're being played out?

Well, being 34 actually gives me the opportunity to say that YES, I do know, or I can sense when someone is trying to play me out.

Life is too short to hassle our minds with this thought but sometimes you are not served with your favourite dishes and because you are hungry, you just grab whatever there are on the table. So, this is when you have a mind boggling situation.

I sometimes wonder why is it so difficult for people to be honest. I believe that honesty is the best policy no matter what. I have been put in an explicating situation before and lying made it worst. When you start lying once, you impregnate more lies to come. And when these lies grow, they grow so fast, you just cannot stop them. They are more dangerous than cancer cells.

What triggered me to write about how much I value honesty. I want the truth and nothing else b ut the truth. I always tell my son, be truthful. Don't lie. No matter how bad the truth is, I can bear it. Don't worry. I don't only say this to my son, but I also say it to my students.

FEEDER ENTRY 4

David Vs. David

Thank God! David A., as he signed himself, is in the finals of American Idol Season 7. Phewwww... I was so afraid that he wouldn't be in the top 2. So many voices around me were saying that Syesha and David C. would be at next week's final. Adding salt to the wound, was what I heard on Mix.FM, where Pietro and Ika said they wanted David C. and Syesha to be in the finals and then Cook would come out as the new American Idol. Duhhhh...

I was saying to myself. Don't you guys get it? Archuleta and Cook are the ones who'd be in the finals. And yesterday's result show has proven that. Now, I am at ease. What happens next I am not so concern about. Of course if you ask my sincere opinion I would say that Archuleta would be crowned as the next winner. But then again, to be logical about this, Cook is damn talented himself. He can sing, not just sing, but improvise the songs he sings. He can play instruments and he can compose. And of course he is the more "manly" choice.

Archuleta on the other hand is cute, cuddly, sweet, and very boyish. One would easily say, awwww he's such a baby... Nevertheless, he sings beautifully well, he is also very talented and is able to play musical instruments, too. The only factor that he may win over Cook is the fact that he's so charmingly sweet. Every woman who is a mother will always vote for a person like Archuleta. Yeaaaa, and that's why I like him too.

Anyway, 22 May is going to be the day for these two Davids. Quoting from Yahoo! that definitely the next American Idol is David. The question now is which David?

FEEDER ENTRY 3

Short Interesting Picks

1) My good friend went out for dinner with some other friends from the office last night. Amongst them were our boss and a new female lecturer (she seemed to be the only rose around). So, the best part about the dinner according to my friend was that the boss ACTUALLY paid for it (knowing how stingy some people can get). But the better than best part was the "drama" between our boss and the new female lecturer. And, today he bought a ping pong table for the school with no net nor bats or balls! What do you think he wants to do with or rather on the ping pong table? Pssstttt...are you having the same kinky thing on mind or am I just the only one?!? And making a sensational add on, a white NZ friend of ours who was at the dinner yesterday that he thought she was talking like a "child". Isn't that what men like? Soft, child-like, whiny women?

2) I or rather my husband striked the 4d yesterday. He bought RM 3 from Magnum4d and another RM 3 from black market via me, his loyal submissive wife (did I just write that?!?). Anyway, from this we are supposed to get RM 3K. WOWWWWWWW!!! That's cool, huh? But the best part of this winning is that the person or agent for the black market one called me up just before we knew we striked that he forgot to buy the number for me. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???????? And........the better than best part of it was what he said afterwards. "Even I forgot to buy for you, haaa...If you strike arrrr, I will still pay you oso..." And I thought, wow isn't this interesting? He would still pay even he has forgotten to buy for me. Out of responsibility. So, I started wishing that the number 5637 will strike the 1st prize. It didn't of course, but it striked 3RD PRIZE... Woooooooooooo... I called him up and said... How ar? Now you owe me RM 1500... And he will pay me next Friday - 23 May 2008.

3) I added some "cool" elements on my blog today and I am damn excited about it. Well, I was inspired by a friend (Izuan to be specific). Okay, okay...not inspired but more of jealousy. How can he have stuff (of course not as cool as mine) on his blog and I don't? Tak boleh jadi ni... So, I spent more than half the day at work improving on my blog so as to "compete" with Izuan. Hehehe, how dumb. Now, I am having a blonde moment. But anyway, check out the stuff I have in store for you here on your right hand side. Comments are welcome though (unlike the blog Dari Kacamata Mohd Ali Rustam...oopppssss! did I do it again? Saying the not-so-right thing in public? Sorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyy...).

4) While I am writing this entry, my cellphone rang and it was my son on the line. He asked for my permission to go out with his friend, Imran, to his horseback riding session. Last week when he came back from the same outing, he told me that it was quite cheap, Ummi, to ride a horse. Then I said, how much? He replied, only RM 50 for half an hour. You must be kidding me, I screamed! So, how long does Imran usually ride? Well, only 2 hours, Ummi, he added innocently. I can't blame him, though. He is surrounded by rich friends. And, the fact that he is too naive to value money. Anyway, to cut a longer story long, I told him that it is OK to make friends with the rich but don't act rich yourself. I understand that he wants to be a successful business lawyer one day. Therefore, he needs all the contacts. So, son, go on. Make friends with the rich. You can build contact. You can gain experience. You can see what their lifestyle is. But do not ever act rich yourself, because you are not. (I hope I said the right thing to him). Have fun, Along!

LEARN A WORD A DAY 7

lacuna \luh-KYOO-nuh\, noun;plural lacunae \luh-KYOO-nee\ or lacunas::
1. A blank space; a missing part; a gap.
2. (Biology) A small opening, depression, or cavity in an anatomical structure.

Like most other writers of his generation, he was a profoundly apolitical being, not from any lacuna in his education but as a matter of principle.-- Walter Laqueur, "The Artist in Politics", New York Times, May 15, 1983

Between the time of my first memory . . . and my second and third memories, I remember nothing. The lacunae of these years I've been able to fill sketchily from the entries in my baby book, which notes such incidents as my first smile.-- Jaime Manrique, Eminent Maricones

The exodus of wives, relatives, friends and hangers-on had left a big howlinglacuna which wrapped the homestead in webs of glorious nostalgia.-- Moses Isegawa, Abyssinian Chronicles

Lacuna is from the Latin lacuna, "a cavity, a hollow," from lacus, "a hollow."

LEARN A WORD A DAY 6

umbrage \UHM-brij\, noun:
1. Shade; shadow; hence, something that affords a shade, as a screen of trees or foliage.
2. a. A vague or indistinct indication or suggestion; a hint.
3. b. Reason for doubt; suspicion.
4. Suspicion of injury or wrong; offense; resentment.

Burr finally took umbrage, and challenged him to a duel.-- Richard A. Samuelson, "Alexander Hamilton: American", Commentary, June 1999

In almost all the walks of his life, he appears to have been both astoundingly rude and genuinely astonished that anyone should take umbrage.-- Robert Winder, "A dying game", New Statesman, June 19, 2000

He had a devastating smile, which could wipe away the slightest umbrage.-- Alec Guinness, A Positively Final Appearance

The river tumbling green and white, far below me; the dark high banks, the plentiful umbrage, many bronze cedars, in shadow; and tempering and arching all the immense materiality, a clear sky overhead, with a few white clouds, limpid, spiritual, silent.-- Walt Whitman, Specimen Days & Collect

WHAT SAYS THE TABIB? 6

Cholesterol: The top 5 foods to lower your numbers

Diet can play an important role in lowering your cholesterol. Discover five foods that can lower your cholesterol and protect your heart.

Can a bowl of oatmeal help prevent a heart attack? How about a handful of walnuts, or even your baked potato topped with some heart-healthy margarine? A few simple tweaks to your diet — like these — may be enough to lower your cholesterol to a healthy level and help you stay off medications.

Oatmeal and oat bran
Oatmeal contains soluble fiber, which reduces your low-density lipoprotein (LDL), the "bad" cholesterol. Soluble fiber is also found in such foods as kidney beans, apples, pears, psyllium, barley and prunes.

Soluble fiber appears to reduce the absorption of cholesterol in your intestines. Ten grams or more of soluble fiber a day decreases your total and LDL cholesterol. Eating 1 1/2 cups of cooked oatmeal provides 6 grams of fiber. If you add fruit, such as bananas, you'll add about 4 more grams of fiber. To mix it up a little, try steel-cut oatmeal or cold cereal made with oatmeal or oat bran.

Walnuts, almonds and more
Studies have shown that walnuts can significantly reduce blood cholesterol. Rich in polyunsaturated fatty acids, walnuts also help keep blood vessels healthy and elastic. Almonds appear to have a similar effect, resulting in a marked improvement within just four weeks.
A cholesterol-lowering diet in which 20 percent of the calories come from walnuts may reduce LDL cholesterol by as much as 12 percent. But all nuts are high in calories, so a handful (no more than 2 ounces or 57 grams) will do. As with any food, eating too much can cause weight gain, and being overweight places you at higher risk of heart disease. To avoid gaining weight, replace foods high in saturated fat with nuts. For example, instead of using cheese, meat or croutons in your salad, add a handful of walnuts or almonds.

Fish and omega-3 fatty acids
Research has supported the cholesterol-lowering benefits of eating fatty fish because of its high levels of omega-3 fatty acids. Omega-3 fatty acids also help the heart in other ways such as reducing blood pressure and the risk of blood clots. In people who have already had heart attacks, fish oil — or omega-3 fatty acids — significantly reduces the risk of sudden death.
Doctors recommend eating at least two servings of fish a week. The highest levels of omega-3 fatty acids are in mackerel, lake trout, herring, sardines, albacore tuna and salmon. However, to maintain the heart-healthy benefits of fish, bake or grill it. If you don't like fish, you can also get omega-3 fatty acids from foods like ground flaxseed or canola oil.

You can take an omega-3 or fish oil supplement to get some of the beneficial effects, but you won't get all the other nutrients in fish, like selenium. If you decide to take a supplement, just remember to watch your diet and eat lean meat or vegetables in place of fish.

Olive oil
Olive oil contains a potent mix of antioxidants that can lower your "bad" (LDL) cholesterol but leave your "good" (HDL) cholesterol untouched.

The Food and Drug Administration recommends using about 2 tablespoons (23 grams) of olive oil a day to get its heart-healthy benefits. To add olive oil to your diet, you can saute vegetables in it, add it to a marinade, or mix it with vinegar as a salad dressing. You can also use olive oil as a substitute for butter when basting meat.

Some research suggests that the cholesterol-lowering effects of olive oil are even greater if you choose extra-virgin olive oil, meaning the oil is less processed and contains more heart-healthy antioxidants. But avoid "light" olive oils. This label usually means the oil is more processed and lighter in color, not fat or calories.

Foods fortified with plant sterols or stanols
Foods are now available that have been fortified with sterols or stanols — substances found in plants that help block the absorption of cholesterol.

Margarines, orange juice and yogurt drinks fortified with plant sterols can help reduce LDL cholesterol by more than 10 percent. The amount of daily plant sterols needed for results is at least 2 grams — which equals about two 8-ounce (237 milliliters) servings of plant sterol-fortified orange juice a day.

Plant sterols or stanols in fortified foods don't appear to affect levels of triglycerides or of "good" high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol. Nor do they interfere with the absorption of the fat-soluble vitamins — vitamins A, D, E and K.

The American Heart Association recommends foods fortified with plant sterols for people with levels of LDL cholesterol over 160 milligrams per deciliter (4.1 mmol/L).

Consider your diet first
Before you make other changes to your diet, think about cutting back on the types and amounts of fats you eat, which can raise your cholesterol. That way, you'll improve your cholesterol levels and health overall.

When cutting fat from your diet, focus on saturated and trans fats. Saturated fats, like those in meat and some oils, raise your total cholesterol. Trans fats, which are sometimes used to make store-bought cookies, crackers and cakes, are particularly bad for your cholesterol levels because they raise low-density lipoprotein (LDL), the "bad" cholesterol and lower high-density lipoprotein (HDL), "good" cholesterol. You should try to limit the number of calories you eat daily to less than 10 percent from saturated fat, and eliminate as many trans fats from your diet as possible.

(From Mayoclinic.com)

TIPS FOR US-NESS 8

As I was browsing the net today, two things popped in my mind. First, was a question my friend asked me, about how I maintained a good relationship with my husband after nine years of marriage. And another is my dearest friend, Augustine, whom I believe, is currently not in a good relationship with his girl. Ermmm...so a good relationship, versus a not-so-good one. So, here, I adapted two articles, one from MarsVenus.com, a website by John Gray, PhD., on relationships between a man and a woman, and another from Parenthood.com (and edited by me). Before that, let me share today's interesting quote on the website:

Men tend to think money is the solution to all problems...

Article 1:


Why Mars and Venus Collide

The enduring message from John Gray is that men and women are indeed from different planets. This truth has not changed since the publication of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. In fact, the differences between the sexes have become more evident in today’s hectic, fast-paced world. Except now, the monster known as stress has become a main ingredient in our lives and it has successfully invaded our relationships. Enter John Gray’s newest book: Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress.

No More White Picket Fences
Once upon a time, there was a lifestyle where men went to work and women stayed home. In today’s society, you’re more likely to find the power couple. They both go to work (for longer than just 9 to 5) and they are overworked, underpaid, and overstressed. They both struggle to excel in the same status-hungry society and hectic, competitive, career-oriented environment. Couples come home to each other … and instead of being comforted by each other, a new set of problems begin. And most of these challenges can be chalked up to one main ingredient: stress.
Unprecedented levels of stress are taking their toll on romantic relationships. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or single and dating, we are often too busy or too tired to motivate ourselves to maintain feelings of attraction or show our affection. But instead of pointing the finger at your partner for this lacking element, the more accurate offender to charge is stress.

Text Me, Email Me, IM Me, But Don’t Talk to Me
In a society where the methods of communication are multiplying rapidly, you would think that communication between couples has improved. But, unfortunately, the quality of communication has been drastically reduced by the abbreviated methods of connection. Quick texting and messaging increase our opportunities for independence and success at work, but they do nothing for the feelings of isolation and exhaustion that can exist at home.

Daily stress affects men and women. Both sexes are drained of their energy and patience and, at the end of the day, are often too overwhelmed to support and enjoy each other. Under the influence of stress, men and women forget why they do what they do. To make things even more complicated, men and women respond to stress differently, cope with stress through conflicting methods, and need different kinds of support to relieve their stress.

This isn’t to say that every couple in every household is arguing and bickering and headed for an implosion; but stress, if people are not aware of it, can affect relationships in negative and not always obvious ways. Men and women sweep aside their needs in order to handle their everyday responsibilities. Things get done, but passion disappears and, instead of being the solution to our stress, relationships become yet another problem to solve. But the teachings outlined in Why Mars and Venus Collide can change all of this – it is actually within the safe haven of our relationship that we can find relief from our stress.

It’s All about You
Many couples believe that they must sacrifice themselves and their needs in order to please their partner. But this attitude needs to be adjusted. Yes, compromise is required of every relationship – but you don’t make these changes and give up on yourself in the process. The art is in finding fair and reasonable compromises. John Gray introduces new ways to make this happen in a life filled with stress.

Men have traditionally been the breadwinners and women traditionally the managers of the home and children. But there is increased pressure in today’s society for women to work outside the home and thus there is a diminished pressure on men to be the sole provider. Women are expected to do so much in addition to their traditional roles, which have never been tweaked or redistributed, while they now work full-time jobs. Women have a never-ending to do list and stress is at an all-time high. Men are dealing with their own levels of stress. As a result, relationships become filled with misunderstandings, friction, and a sense of helplessness.

Going Back to Mars and Venus
John Gray’s solutions for stress are based on groundbreaking scientific research that supports the gender differences he has long described in his books. There are physiological reasons why women find comfort in talking about their problems and why men prefer to retreat. There are reasons why women can multitask and remember everything while men are able to focus on one thing at a time.

In Why Mars and Venus Collide, John Gray examines how men and women behave in stressful situations and provides new insights into how our responses to stress cause the sexes to clash. Remembering and understanding the differences between men and women is only half of the battle.

The other half is about action and learning to find effective ways to cope with stress. John Gray provides these coping methods by outlining time-tested techniques. Whether you are in a relationship, single, or starting over, in Why Mars and Venus Collide you will find new, practical ways to improve your communication, energy, and mood. You will learn how to reignite the levels of attraction in your relationship, create harmony with your partner, and enjoy a lifetime of love and romance.

All that’s needed from you is a willingness to learn, improve, and tuck away any fear of change. Accepting that stress is the culprit to blame for your problems – instead of your partner – will allow you to conquer and rise above some of the trying moments in your relationship. Putting the onus on stress will free you from expecting your partner to change, help you actually lower your own stress levels, and allow you to remember the pleasure of loving and accepting your partner for who they truly are.

Article 2:

How to Keep A Marriage Strong?

Here are some tips from Dr. John Gottman’s research on successful marriages and elaboration by myself based on my 9-year marriage experience:

• Express more positives than negatives. In Gottman’s research, he found that those happily married showed a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative statements to each other and about their relationship. Even in Islam, we are taught to not have negative thoughts about our partners. These negativities can actually harm your happiness with your significant one. Worse, what you imagine could just come true. So, be careful with what you think. If you think you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. Silence is Golden.

• Accept each other’s influence. In strong partnerships neither spouse is too rigid to consider the requests or input of his or her mate. Just as you think you are important, your partner thinks the same way, too. So, take time. Lend your ears. Hear out his/her views. You'd be surprised at how identical your wants are.

• Maintain high standards. Those who regularly accept disrespectful behavior from a partner are likely to see their relationship deteriorate over time. Don't be harsh, but it is OK for you to tell him/her that you are not happy with what and how your partner treats you. Anyway, you both have a right in the relationship. If she suddenly yell at you at a shopping mall after being unhappy with the dinner, and you are embarassed by that act, then TELL her. She HAS to know. If he commented on your bad choice of clothing in front of his parents, and you are so ashamed, then LET him know. Be direct, be open. Don't hold grudges and don't let your grudges grow.

• Learn how to exit an argument. This can include expressions of humor, compassion or appreciation; a time-out until cooler heads prevail; or even backing off from your position in the disagreement. Approaching a bad argument, it is allright if you choose to seal your lips. Refrain from triggering a wilder fire. If he chooses to grab the car keys and drive off, let him be. If she suddenly walks away and stir a drink in the kitchen, don't stop her. Believe me, it is better that way.

• Edit your angry thoughts. Just because it’s normal to feel anger doesn’t mean it’s useful to express all of it. Those rated as happier couples learned to manage angry thoughts and share them judiciously. Just like what you learned in Business Writing to allow "cooling period" for your complaint letter, allow the same concept to apply in your marriage. Think again whether it is worthwhile to say a few words that could destroy the bond you have built for maybe 9 years. "On second thoughts" is always a good thought. Remember, there is a Malay saying - telajak perahu boleh berundur, telajak kata jangan sekali, or makan boleh sebarang makan tapi cakap jangan sebarang cakap - which basically means that we should watch our words because once said, can never be taken back, and the scar will remain forever.


• Consider your opening. Pay attention to your tone and wording. Couples can avoid, soften or de-escalate differences through the manner in which they raise sensitive issues. Know your partner. Be sensitive of when is the right time to talk about it. Be more sensitive on how to say it. Pause on the idea. If you think it is NOT that urgent or important, and it won't affect your relationship, maybe you could just store it for much later or forever.

• Don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Gottman reports that the average couple waits six years before reaching out for help with a troubled marriage. The earlier a couple addresses problems the easier it is to make positive changes. I still recall my mother-in-law says to never keep an argument or a gruntle longer than 30 minutes because it will eat your relationship up. Yes, don't allow discomforts to accumulate because the dividends won't increase the way your shares do.

So, guys, YES, these are the ways I keep my marriage alive! Learn them up because they have to learned and not acquired.

ABOUT OUR KIDS 7

Naturopathy: Give the eye a break By : K.F. Hoe 2008/05/12

Q: MY son spends hours playing computer games during the weekends. I worried about the damage this would do as he is also short-sighted and wears glasses. Can you suggest some ways to improve his vision?

A: YOU have valid reasons to be concerned because sitting for long hours in front of a computer screen can lead to eye discomfort, fatigue and blurred vision.Taking a break from the computer every 20 minutes for 20 seconds will minimise the development of eye-focusing problems and irritation caused by infrequent blinking.Traditional herbs like bilberry, eyebright and lycium are good for the eyes. Bilberry improves capillary blood flow and increases the generation of enzymes responsible for energy production in eyes while eyebright helps relieve itchy and irritated eyes.Lycium is rich in carotenoids which is beneficial to the eye. A good eye supplement contains all the three herbs. A good supplement should also contain about 25 per cent of anthocyanidins, which is the active ingredient in bilberry.Eat plenty of fresh, raw, green leafy vegetables. Apricots, mangoes, carrots and yams are elixirs for the eyes.Consume foods or supplements that contain beta-carotene, vitamin A, C, E and mineral zinc and selenium to protect against the harmful effects of free radicals.

(From NST)

FEEDER ENTRY 2

Happy Birthday Along (11 May 2008) and Angah (6 May 2008)

Ummi and Waleed love you sooooo very much. You are the precious gems of our hearts. May you grow to become good humans and contribute significantly to Allah and Islam, the society, and Ummi and Waleed, inshaAllah...

And here's a poem for the both of you:

Along...Angah...
In my thoughts and
In my dreams and
Even in my real life
I love you so much more
So much than I can utter
So much than I can bare

Though sometimes it seems
That I don't really care
That I always scare
That you only hear my despair...
Deep in here, only He can see
How I truly couldn't guarantee
Without you two, can I be free

Along...Angah...
My hope goes along with you
My love remains surrounding you
My prayers persist to capture you
You are the reason
You are the excuse
That I overused to endure and survive

I love you...

FEATURE STORY 8

Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day Special

2 Most Sacrificial People in the World

Since Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day are just around the bend, I would like to share my humble view on the two MOST sacrificial people in the world – your world and mine.

I came back from lunch today with three missed calls on my cell phone. They were from my significant half. Ermm… I looked at the phone and wondered why he called so many times. Must be something urgent. Or he wouldn’t call me continuously like that. Not feeling too good about it, I immediately returned his call.

His line was breaking quite badly, and in between the breakings, I heard that our 2-month old nephew is now hospitalized at Selayang Hospital since last Wednesday, and no one told us about it.

I called my sister-in-law and her husband picked up the call instead, and informed me that their son was admitted due to his problem in breathing. I recalled that a week ago, on April 19, we went back to my husband’s hometown and at that time he was already having the problem. I was then thinking that it was quite normal since two of my own children have had it before. My sister-in-law said that the baby, Ashraff, was not able to burp every time after feeding. He would make some snorting sound and he looked like he was having difficulty in breathing. I told her to apply some Vicks on Ashraff’s chest, back and front, and maybe after that he might feel a little better.

At that moment, when I looked at my sis-in-law’s face, I was saying to myself that she is so strong. She was not showing any signs of worry. Nor was there any sign of unhappiness. Wow…I said to myself, I could never do that. I am easily panicked. Easily alarmed by any “abnormalities” on any of my children.

I still remembered when my third child, Achik, went into fits due to very high fever some time last year. I was getting ready to go back to office after coming home to give her the medications. But she was asleep. So, I told bibik that her medications were due the moment she got up. Then, just a few minutes before I left, I peeped into bibik’s room to check on her, when I saw her legs stiffing and moving uncontrollably. I sensed something was wrong and ran into the room. I couldn’t bear the sight that something was wrong with my daughter. I straight away grabbed her in my arms and took the car keys (without even putting on my tudung) and headed directly (even dangerously driving with only one hand while the other was holding my daughter) to the nearest hospital.

Parents, especially mothers, are as such. Always wanting the best for their children. Often easily shaken by their children’s illnesses. Never ever stop hoping, wishing and praying for their children’s well-being. No matter how much the world has changed, how high the ocean tide has risen, how bad the cyclone hit Myannmar, parents’, specifically a mother’s love, affection and care will NEVER EVER be altered.

And that’s the true beauty of parents. They are always there for us no matter what. Their love is unconditional. Their love has no boundaries. Their love knows no end. So, for these two most sacrificial beings in our life, let us all wish them (and ourselves, too) a very meaningful Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day and may God bless them with all the goodness for everything that they have done or given us.

Thank You, Ma and Pa. Thank You, Mak and Abah. We love you from the deepest of our hearts. Subhanallah.

FEATURE STORY 7

The Trip Was Worth It

Phewwww...today is such a tiring day. Why? Because this is the first day I resumed work after a week off from it. We need breaks once in a while but when we take breaks, this is what happens. Lazy to continue working. Hahaha.

I came back from my holiday trip to Jakarta-Punchak-Bandung on Friday, 2 May 2008. We landed at LCCT at approximately 5.51 PM and at that time, I sensed a popping sound in my right ear. I figured it was due to the pressure and difference in altitude when the plane was about to land. But heck! I thought. It will subside later. I now have to worry about getting the baggage and making sure they all arrived KL safely.

We had a hell of a time in Bandung and Jakarta. The drive up to Punchak was looooooooong and when we finally reached Punchak, there wasn't much to see. Just a point about 4706m from sea level and the weather felt cold. But it was much colder than Genting or even Cameron Highland and people there, too, plant tea for a living. And the lunch (the first Indonesian meal after a very quick Malaysian breakfast and we were starving like a horse) was disappointing. We were brought by the guide to a Sundanese restaurant and the food was plain. As I could remember, we had rice (of course! what else do Indonesians eat?!?), fried fish, rujak, three different types of uncooked sambal, mie goreng, and sate ayam and kambing. My mother-in-law was the most surprised one. She took a while gazing into the food served and then asked me what type of food were we eating that afternoon. I said, "makanan Sunda, mak. Orang Sunda ni mkn pelik sikit. Nasi campur mee. Dah la tu tak berkuah lak tu." Having no other choices, we ate through because we didn't want to fall sick later. But the closing of the meal was a cup of cappuccino, which I deemed was the best (among the worst lunch ever, of course).

From there, we took another three hours before we reached Bandung. All of us were so eager to get to Bandung since we haven't had enough sleep the night before, took a very early flight, reached Jakarta and straight away head for Punchak and Bandung. When we were approaching the city of Bandung, the guide told us that it was also known as Paris van Java (meaning Paris at Java). I was expecting to see Eiffel Tower or romance here and there, but none of that were there. It is named Paris because of the location and the fashion shopping we could get there. Our first stop was Heritage, a shopping centre situated on Jalan Riau. We were supposed to go to Dago but the guide (by the way, her name is Kiki) said we should go to Jalan Riau first as Dago closed at 9 PM. I liked it at Heritage because the goods sold there were at very reasonable price and they looked good, too. I bought some clothes for my son, my daughters and my husband. We spent about Rp. 639.600 for everything. Darn cheap, I told my husband.

After that, Kiki brought us to Cihampelas, the Jeans Street as they called it. Here, you could find all sorts of jeans at very good prices and of good quality, too. We didn't have that much time, plus being so fatigue since we haven't rested and haven't checked in the hotel yet. So, we only walked past a few shops and entered the next one we saw which was somewhat opposite the place where our van was parked. There, I chose one pair of Burberry jeans for my dad, and two pairs of jeans, which was a pair of BMW jeans and another a Burberry, for my husband. I bought myself two pairs of t-shirt, one pair of jacket for my son, and all these cost me Rp. 669.000. We then headed straight back to the van and told the guide that we wanted to go to the hotel.

We were brought to Hotel Cemerlang, a 3-star hotel, and we checked in there. We reached the hotel about 6pm and we were told that we were to meet downstairs again at 7pm which was just an hour away. Well, I didn't have enough time to rest. What I managed to do was to bathe my children, took my bath, and unpacked important items.

At 7pm, Kiki and Pak Dayat, the supir (driver) waited for us at the hotel lobby to take us all out for dinner. We went to a Padang restaurant and had a much better dinner than what we had earlier in the day. After that dinner, Kiki took us to Jalan Dago for another round of shopping but we refused. We all requested to get back to the hotel as we were feeling so tired and sleepy from all the activities we did that day. Now, after coming back to KL, I regretted not fighting my tiredness and went on shopping at Dago because from the view of it that we got from the van's windows, Dago has tremendous to offer us, especially my kids.

The next day started as early as 9am. We checked out the hotel (wow, such a short stay!) and taken straight to Pasar Baru Bandung. There was a demonstration when we arrived and being such a paranoia, I asked Kiki whether it was safe for us to continue shopping there. Hahaha, as expected, Kiki said "tentu sekali, buk. Nggak apa2 kok. Ini fenomena biasa di Indonesia." (Ermmm, they are more expressive than we would ever be, huh?) Anyway, we were given 2 hours to shop there. I bought some "jilbab", my mom's jacket suit, and my daughters' clothes. My mom-in-law enjoyed the shopping there, I believe. She bought some jubahs, shirts for all the men in her life, and blouses for the daughters-in-law (except me because I refused as I believe she should spend her money on stuff she wished to get for herself rather than for me...no no no...I am NOT proud, ok) and we waited like ages for her (sorry, mak...but you spent too much time choosing and browsing...as a matter of fact, many women do, I guessed. But NOT me. I am simple. I look. I like. I buy...untung husband I, kan? Hehehe). Farah also had a good buy there.

We then headed for Cibaduyut next. Kiki said that this was a great place for leather goods. Well, the point is, we were dropped off at a small mall with not that many choices. None of us felt like walking around the area for more choices. So, we just bought whatever was available there. I ended up spending almost Rp. 700.000 for a handbag, a purse, my son's school bag, his shoes, and my daughters' shoes.

From here, we were driven back to Jakarta. It was not such a winding journey as when we were heading for Bandung. This time, the driver took the highway instead. So, we were promised a mere 2-hour journey. Approaching Jakarta city, it rained very heavily and as usual, rain = jam. We were stucked for a solid two and a half hours before we stopped at Salero Jumbo for dinner. The plan was to check in to the hotel first but at the last minute things changed because of the stupid jam. Anyway, the dinner was different from what we had because though it was a Padang restaurant but we specially requested for a seafood meal. Yes, we expected prawns and squids but their definition of seafood only meant fish, dried prawns and anchovies. Haha. Served us right!

We stayed at Orchardz Hotel in Jakarta. It was a nice, decent hotel and I am very happy with it. The next day, we were brought to Tanah Abang for further shopping (I believe people like my mom-in-law and cousin really couldn't get enough of this activity). I was told by Aunty Mas that it is not a nice place. But it was really beyond my expectation. I liked Tanah Abang much, much better than Mangga Dua. It is more organized, cooler, and easier to shop and move around in this place. It has all that crossed your mind. I bought so many tudungs here for my mom. They have all the new designs and I paid Rp. 585.000 for all of them. Damn, damn cheap! I think my mom is going to be very happy with what I have chosen for her.

That afternoon, we had the BEST lunch (numero uno!!!) for the whole trip. It was a place called Riung Sari Sunda Restaurant and it is owned by an actor named Titi Kamal. The ambience was great and it complimented the food served. It was a total 360 degrees turn from the Sunda food we had at Punchak on the first day we arrived. If this is what REAL Sundanese food is, then it give two thumbs up! I simply love the Sop Ikan Gurame. Marvellously cooked! I couldn't forget the wonderful taste even until today. I asked Kiki why we were taken for lunch there only that day. We should have come for all our Jakarta meals there. I am definitely going to repeat this restaurant the next trip I make to Jakarta.

After the most fulfilling lunch in the world, we went to Ancol. It is a well-known theme park in Indonesia. People who visit Jakarta would have this place on their itinerary. To tell you the truth, I had a very low expectation of this place. I had been to a few fantastic theme parks in the world like Disneyland, Disney World, Universal Studios, Knott's Berry Farm, Tampa Beach Park, and not to miss Sunway Lagoon in my own home country. But Ancol was way, way better than what I had in mind. It was a very large area. It had all sorts of things in there, including an interesting looking hotel (and my husband specifically mentioned that we should stay there for the next trip). We went on what they termed as Gondola, which is very much similar to our Cable Car at Genting Highlands, and this thing took us for a ride all around Ancol. We could view the whole theme park from above.

The next few hours, we spent inside what they called as Dufan, which is short for Dunia Fantasi. This was when my entire view about Ancol changed. I could conclude that Dufan is wayyyyyyyy cleaner and more systematic than Sunway Lagoon. The scenario inside Dufan reminded me of the days when I visited all the theme parks in the US. I was actually glad that we made that trip there. One most important thing is that my children enjoyed themselves there and they had fun. The only person who did not have so much fun as my kids did was my mom-in-law. She figured the trip to Ancol was the most taxing one.

That night was our last night in Jakarta and we were soooooooooo busy packing things we brought from KL and things we bought throughout our trip to Jakarta and Bandung. I should say that it was extremely challenging for me as I did the packing all by myself. It was so difficult to ensure that I had everything packed up nicely and most importantly, to hide some things from the Malaysian customs' eyes, and also not to exceed the permitted weight by Airasia.

On 2 May 2008, at 9am, we checked out from the hotel and headed to Mangga Dua for last minute shopping (only my mom-in-law and Farah bought something there. By then, I was done with my shopping. Only had Rp. 170.000 left in my purse for eating at the airport while waiting for the plane to depart Indonesia at 2.50pm). By 11.40 am we reached the Soekarno-Hatta International Airport. We had our last Indonesian lunch at the airport's A&W and boarded the aircraft at 2. 40pm. It was such a quick, smooth 2-hour flight on Airasia AK 955 (the best Airasia flight I had) and finally landed at LCCT Terminal at 5.40pm.

It was indeed a worthwhile trip. Alhamdulillah.