FEATURE STORY 2

(Written on 29 February 2004)

Working Mom Vs. Stay-At-Home Mom

There was a very good article I read some days ago. It was published in the NST dated 18 February 2004. The issue was leaving jobs to be a full time mom taking care of the household and the kids. Very interesting, huh? I planned to do this one day though I know that the first person who would scream at this idea is my beloved mom. She would say things like, “I sent you to the university and this is what you decide? Being a full time housewife?” Gosh! I know it would be tough arguing with mom on this matter but I also know that one day I would do just that.

I have always dreamt of being a homemaker. But not the kind of homemaker that many people assume it as. I want to be a home maker who does something beneficial. Maybe not so much of the money but something that would contribute to the household. I want to write seriously. I want my writings to be published, read and remembered by the readers, friends and family. But can we really make a living through writing here in Malaysia? Hmmm…why don’t you tell me?

If you get a grab of the article that I mentioned earlier (Office Hours: Tough call for working mums by Kamsiah Mustapha), you will notice that somewhere in the article was stated that if we decide to be a stay-at-home mom, then all that we struggled for during our study years at the university would go to a waste. Our parents’ sacrifices would just fritter away. Is that so? Do we look at it that way?

Let us ponder on this for a while. Just say that one day our daughter decides to stay home and take care of her kids and home. What will our reactions be? What will we do to her? Will we torture her and create miseries for the decision that she make? Do you think it is fair for us to do that? Well, here is what I think. And I believe that what I verbalize here might not be agreeable to many but this is my sincere opinion. Sending our children to school and providing them with the best education is a definite responsibility of parents. It is not only what is demanded and understood by the society but most importantly what is called “amanah” from Allah the Almighty.

As parents, of course, we always pray for the best for our children, especially being mothers. We would always ensure that they get all the best things the world can offer them. We work hard, day in day out. We keep striving for more just so that we can be better providers. But is it for us (still) to decide whether or not our daughter wants to be a homemaker one day? Why not we look at it this way instead? She will be staying home and devote herself to her family. As a wife, inshaallah, she will gain more “pahala” as she becomes more “solehah” and has more time for her husband. As a mother, she will be a more “mithali” mom and ensures that her children are nurtured in the best way possible. As our daughter, she will appreciate us even more because we gave her the opportunity to be what she is at that time. Isn’t that worthwhile enough?

On the other hand, I am not underestimating working moms as I am one too now. I salute them especially those with more kids and without maids to assist them when they get back home every evening. How can they do that? They cope beautifully. They amaze me. I manage to cope too so far but I am not sure whether I will still do when this little one comes out in May. The issue now is not whether stay-at-home moms make better moms or not, but the point is personal preferences. As a woman, a wife and a mother, I prefer to be at home where I can take care of my kids myself. Where I only have myself to blame when things don’t work out the way they should.

So, pray for me. Let the day comes earlier then planned.