Tips for A Better Marriage
(Adapted from the article written by Muntaqima Abdur Rasyid in 2004)
"And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect" (30: 21).
According to the writer, these tips come from his personal experience in his marriage. He has now been married for more than 15 years and wants to share what he gathered from all those years with the readers. He got married after he converted to Islam. His rules are:
1) Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and muscular. Most likely that was the first aspect of you that attracted your mate. So don't think that simply because you are married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under long dresses and long veils. Your mate knows. Don’t allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a 'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller skate, swim and stay in shape. InshaAllah, you will be more vibrant, more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2) Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the conditions prevailing in their society. For example, Muslim females are taught that their role is to be at home raising the children. But it isn’t so now. Therefore, go out and work with the blessings of your husband but know who you are even outside the house. You, too, need not worry if you don’t bear as many children as your mom did. Be realistic. Look at your household economy. Islam gives you flexibility. Don't be afraid or ashamed to use it.
3) Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run races with Aishah. By all means try to involve your mate in your interests.
4) Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims, and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of activities.
5) Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when your mate errs. Being in the Malay society is very difficult indeed. Be quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6) Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor aggravations.
7) Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8) Share household duties. This is especially important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own clothes. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9) Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone, away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this can give to a marriage.
10) Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open discussion. Don’t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud.
11) Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. TheProphet did not live this way, neither should you.
12) Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself, either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable person agreeable.
13) Don’t share personal problems with others. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems, make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence. Better still; seek for advice from an Ustaz or Ustazah.
14) Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal achievement, don't do it when your spouse is “down in the dumps” Wait for the proper time.
A successful marriage doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of faith".
Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead righteous. Qur'an 25:74
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good wife" (Muslim)
No comments:
Post a Comment