TIPS FOR US-NESS

(Adapted from a relationship advice website in 2004)

8 Ways to Control An Argument

Let’s face it no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful of a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while. The next time you feel an argument starting to form keep in mind these 8 ways to handle an argument.

Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concern.
I am sure you hate it when people interrupt you. Give your partner the same respect, even if you don’t agree.

Make an extra effort to really understand what your partner is trying to say.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when in fact you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand, it is easier to end the argument.

Don’t say something you will regret later.
Always consider your relationship like a glass. Take care in choosing the right words when in a heated situation.

Don’t bring in past woes.
The past is the past. Let it stay there. If keep on dwelling on the past, you’ll never find a solution for today. People make mistakes. Give your partner a chance to recover and support and encourage them when they make the right choices.

Learn to Compromise
You’ll find yourself in fewer arguments when you learn to do this. If you don’t like something then try to find the middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternatives if your partner doesn’t like it as well.

Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree with the issue at hand.
Sometimes it is best to let yourself agree to disagree – you’ll show your partner that not only you respect their opinion, but respect their individuality as well. You don’t know, maybe later they might change their mind.

Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
Nothing is unsolvable when you working together to truly find a peaceful resolution.

Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
This does not mean bend over backwards or compromise your integrity. Just keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is your best friend, lover and soul mate. If you both keep that at the forefront of your mind in an argument, it will keep what matters most away from cruel words or intent – your heart!

Finally, I leave you one thought from preventing arguments. Let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I’ve found that many people tend not to speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention them. Then, your partner won’t know what you are upset about and thinks t hat you are plain over acting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don’t let things build up until you explode.